Our Most Brilliant Friends
by segaxmethod
Summary: From Jane's perspective, this is an angsty re-imagining of the final scene of 3x06. Slightly AU, in that it doesn't follow events in the proceeding episodes. In an act of comfort, Jane opens up to Maura about her feelings, but things don't pan out as smoothly as she'd have liked. There will be a third and final part. A/N in Part 1 has been updated slightly - please re-read!
1. Sun Is Coming Up Slowly

**PART 1: "Sun Is Coming Up Slowly"**

Updated Author's Note: I appreciate that 2nd person narrative can be a bit weird to follow, but hopefully I've kept everything clear enough(!) I felt that it was the best way for me to get right inside Jane's head.

This is set right at the end of 3x06 "Money Maker" - you don't necessarily need to have seen it, but it does provide some useful context. The end of the episode didn't sit well with me (I figure a lot of people feel the same way!), and this is just how I think the episode should have ended.

I had originally planned to finish this before 3x07 aired, but I didn't get round to it/had writers' block/was really busy. As such, this is slightly AU in that it doesn't follow any of the canon plot from the episodes following 3x06.

Rated T for swearing; there is nothing too risque otherwise.

As a disclaimer, I have no rights over any of these characters; I'm just exercising poetic licence. The fic title is that of a song by Slow Club, and the chapter titles are lyrics from said song. I borrow these with thanks. This applies to any and all future chapters.

Enjoy.

* * *

In front of your bathroom mirror, you took a quick glance at yourself and sighed. You looked like shit, there was no denying that, but you allowed it - you hadn't slept much. Splashing cold water over your face, you cursed and grumbled under your breath: "I wish I could arrest people just for being shit-awful mothers."

You'd spent the whole night stewing, unable to switch your brain off. Thinking. Thinking about her. You'd left her house the previous evening, around midnight - you hadn't wanted to leave, but it was what she asked of you. _I'm fine_, she'd said, _Don't worry about me_. Naturally, all you did was worry about her. It's all you _**ever**_ do. You had thought about protesting, but you could tell from the look in Maura's eyes that she just wanted to be alone.

You replayed the conversation in your head as you paced around your apartment.

_"It hurts, Jane." You left a beat, allowing her the space and time to talk. "I hadn't expected everything to magically resolve itself just because I discovered my mother, but this was further from anything I could have anticipated."_

_"I'm so sorry, Maura." You tentatively reached for her hand. She took it and gently squeezed your fingers in thanks, but didn't look up to meet your gaze._

_"I didn't think -" Maura stopped and simply sobbed for a few moments. "She - I just wanted to help. She doesn't even want to acknowledge me, Jane. It's like I don't even exist."_

_"Maur, don't think like that," you soothed, pulling Maura closer, "You do exist, and you you're pretty damn important - to a lot of people."_

_You wrapped your arms around her, one hand tight on Maura's waist, the other gently stroking the back of her head; her chin rested on your shoulder. You wanted nothing more than to be able to make it right, to take away all of Maura's bad feelings. She had suffered so much recently, and you felt awful. **I'm a cop, for crying out loud. It's my job to protect people. What kind of person am I if I can't even protect my best friend?**_

_You stayed like that a few moments longer, but that was when Maura pulled away, and asked you to leave._

Now, there you were, at 4 am, unable to sleep and unable to get Maura off your mind. You certainly weren't expecting to hear a knock at your door. "Who the fuck?" The door rattled again, and you quietly padded across, keen to look through the spy hole. "Jesus, I'm coming," you breathed.

You had to look twice, just to make sure your eyes weren't deceiving you. _It couldn't be, could it?_

"Maura." It was all you could breathe out as you opened the door. She looked broken, tired - she was in a state much like your own. Tears were slowly falling down her cheeks and that tipped you over the edge. You responded the only way you knew how: you held her.

You took Maura by the hand, and snaked an arm round her waist. Together, you carefully crossed your apartment, heading towards your room. Beside your bed, you turned her to face you and offered her a small smile. She simply sniffed, and you brushed a couple of stray hairs from her face. Finally, her eyes met yours, and you knew what you needed to do.

Starting with her trench coat, you began to began to undress her. There wasn't time for modesty - you had seen each other in various states of undress many times before. This was about Maura, and making sure that she knew you cared. You took the time to fold her clothes, knowing she'd appreciate it. You offered her a t-shirt; it was the one you'd worn the last time you'd slept in your own house. Maura didn't mind and pulled it on, then slipped her own bra off underneath, dropping it to the floor without regard for decorum.

She climbed into your bed, and mumbled something at you. It didn't matter what she'd said, you knew what she wanted. With haste, you removed your own clothes; first your trousers, then your shirt. Wearing only a vest and your underwear, you followed Maura into bed. Like you'd done so many nights previously, you let the shape of your body line up with Maura's, sharing your warmth. One arm slipped under her neck, your other rested on her hip. You placed a soft kiss behind her ear, letting her know you were ready for whatever she had for you.

That's when things got difficult. The two of you lay there for roughly an hour; Maura cried, mostly, and you just did what you do best. You held her, and caressed her, but mostly, you just loved her. It was hard for you, but you knew you had to just wait for Maura. She needed to take this at her own pace.

Finally, Maura spoke. You nearly missed it - the words were barely above a whisper, but there was no denying what she'd said.

"I need you, Jane."

You didn't respond immediately, taking the time to choose your words carefully. "Anything, Maura; I'll give you anything."

"Did you mean it, earlier?"

"When, Maura? What?"

"Today," Maura started, her voice still soft, "You … you said -"

"It's ok. Take your time."

"You said that I'm incredible, Jane. Did you mean it? In fact, what did you mean?"

"I, uh, yes - I meant it. Maura, you're an amazing human being. You wanted to give that girl a kidney, _your_ kidney. Sure, she's your half-sister, but -" You faltered; you were going in the wrong direction with this. "Maura, this isn't about the kidney."

"I know. That's why I asked."

"It was … an excuse."

You felt Maura's body stiffen as she repeated your words. "An excuse? I don't understand."

"Yeah, Maur, an excuse." You took a deep breath, and slowly exhaled. You needed to compose yourself. There was no use in getting worked up. _Just be honest with her, Jane. The truth can't hurt._ "It was an excuse to tell you that I think you're incredible."

"I still … I'm not sure I know where you're going with this Jane." Maura wriggled in the bed and shuffled around so she was facing you. It was her turn to touch you, and she placed a hand on your chin. You wanted to pour your heart out to her, but eventually decided against it. There was no use in making Maura upset.

"It'd be a bit weird, Maur, if I was just to tell you that I think you're wonderful all the time."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would it be weird, Jane?"

"Jesus, uh … because, because -" You felt your palms clam up, and your breath hitched. Finally you snapped. There was no stopping it now. "Because it's crazy, Maura; you're my favourite person on this whole god damn Earth. You frighten me, sometimes, with your intellect, but I don't know what I'd do without you. And do you know what the worst part is? You're my friend. My _best_ friend, but still just … just my friend. I feel like I shouldn't feel the way I do, Maura."

"And … h-how do you feel, Jane?"

You wished the ground would just swallow you up. You'd already said far too much, but it was just too late.

"It breaks my heart to see you like this, Maura. I want to protect you, and care for you and -"

Sighing loudly, you rolled onto your back, and placed your hands behind your head. Maura, shifted uncomfortably beside you, before nestling in the crook of your arm. It reassured you. It told you that she wasn't completed overwhelmed by what you'd said.

"And what, Jane?"

"I can't say any more, Maura." A beat. You didn't allow her the time to question you, and you certainly didn't notice the realisation creeping across her face. "It'll change things."

"No it won't."

"Trust me, it will. If I say this, I can't take it back."

"Trust me, Jane. I might surprise you."

"Really? I doubt that."

"Please, Jane. Just say it." The urgency in Maura's voice caused you to look down at her. It was then that you understood. Maura's eyes told you so much. Slowly, you realised that Maura knew how you _really_ felt. She just wanted you to say it first.

"Fuck it," you whispered. _What's the worst that could happen?_ "Maura, I … I think I'm in love with you."

"I know."

You looked back to Maura and cursed at the small smirk on her face. Allowing yourself a slight laugh, you wrapped your arms round Maura's torso and intertwined your legs with hers.

"Is that all you have to say?" You placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I guess so. Keep going, Jane. I also know you weren't finished talking."

"I get angry - when people have upset you. I feel like it's my duty to make them stop, like it should be me that looks after you. At first I thought it was mere kinship, Maura - we're the only women in that department. It's more than that though. I care for you more than I do any other friend."

"I have noticed that. I think … I think I like it."

"You're calm, Maura. Very calm. This scares the shit out of me."

"You've made me feel better, Jane. I think I can sleep now."

"You don't have anything you wanna say?"

"No, not yet."

You were shocked, and a little hurt. You'd just told her everything, well almost everything. You'd given her the most important bits, anyway, yet she had nothing to say. You thought about trying to make her talk, but deep down you knew it wouldn't of any use. You could tell from her tone that she didn't want to.

"Let's sleep, then, Maura." You shifted a little, and pulled the covers further up your bodies.

"Goodnight, Jane."

Suddenly, everything was quiet, save for the ticking of a wall clock. 6.19 am. You had work in less than two hours. Lying there, you knew you weren't going to get any sleep. You felt slightly sad though, because despite having never been closer to Maura, at that moment, you'd never felt so alone.


	2. Something's Making Me Nervous

**PART 2: "Something's Making Me Nervous"**

Author's note: Thank you all for your reviews and alerts: I really appreciate them. I also want to take this opportunity to thank you for your patience. I had initially wanted to write the 2nd and concluding part before 3x07 aired, but it just didn't happen. A month or so has passed since I started this fic, and because I had quite a lot of bother with it, it's ended up going in a totally different direction to where I'd originally anticipated. However, here is part two; and there will be a third part to conclude the fic.

Enjoy.

* * *

A week had passed, nearly, but you still hadn't discussed it with Maura. "It". That's what you were calling it now - acknowledging what had happened was far too difficult. You found yourself in a similar position, like you were that night. You were furiously pacing around the bullpen; you let the guys think it was just your case, but your thoughts were plagued by Maura.

On the surface, everything seemed fine. Your professional relationship with Maura hadn't changed. Breakfast with your mother, in the cafe; inappropriate jokes in the morgue; within the Department walls everything was just … rosy. That was the worst thing: the contrast between your pretense during the day, and the loneliness in the evenings. Gone was the unspoken understanding that one of you would follow the other home after work. You'd stopped running together, too; you hadn't completely broken the habit, but you avoided the route you usually shared.

You were starting to feel like Maura had left it too long. She had implied that she would bring it up with you, but Maura had made no move to make good on that intention. So many times you'd contemplated storming down to the morgue, demanding answers, but you found that your steely nerve broke every time you approached the lift. Your swagger and bravado were long gone; it made you feel _small_.

"Jane!?"

You spun round on your heels, not even aware that you'd moved over to the lifts. Sighing, your eyes met Frost's. "What … what is it?" You scratched the back of your head, dragging your fingers through your hair.

"Are you … okay? You seem spooked."

"I'm fine, Frost. Just tired."

"Yeah, you said that yesterday."

"Honestly, I'm -"

"Look, Jane, you don't need to give me an excuse - I'm not going to judge you or anything, but you've been avoiding whatever this is all week." He stopped, and took a couple of steps closer. You looked across at him, your eyes saying, _"Don't come near me. I'm not ready."_

Frost understood, and didn't move as he continued to speak. "I know there's nothing I can say that will help, but just go down there - talk to her. You'll sort it out."

Breathing out a big sigh, you watched him walk away from you, back towards the bullpen. You appreciated his gesture and kind words: he was just trying to make you feel better, in his own way.

Frost was right though. You hadn't been properly focussed all week. Your case was falling on it's arse: your one decent witness had decided to clam up, and you had no other solid leads. To top it off, you couldn't make head nor tail of the forensic evidence, either. It was just such a struggle. You hadn't had this much difficulty with a case in such a long time. You hated failure; it made you feel weak, and angry. You felt your pulse pick up speed, your blood starting to boil. This had to stop. _Now._

"Argh! Jesus - fuck." You curled your hand into a tight fist, and threw it into the brick wall.

"Jane!"

Oh, shit. You hadn't heard the lift doors open. Of course, it had to be Maura that walked out of them. _Great, now she's going to see my like this_. A mess. "Ah, ow." You winced, looking down at your hand. Your knuckles were red, and you had scraped some of the skin, but you weren't bleeding too badly. You'd live.

"Jane, what have you done!?" Maura made a move for your hand, but you pulled away, your pride getting the better of you.

"It's fine, Maura," you muttered dismissively, shrugging. _Well, this is awkward._

"You're bleeding. I can fix it."

"I don't need -"

Maura held her hand up to stop you. "You don't need _what_, Jane? Think about what you're going to say next."

_I don't need you_. No, that was a blatant lie, and you both knew it. You wanted nothing more than to be defiant and pretend that this whole situation didn't give you the slightest ounce of grief, but any sort of attempt would be in vain. You had just used a wall as a punching bag - it was quite clear you were hurting.

You could sense the anger in her voice. You had to calm down, quickly. An argument wouldn't do either of you any good. Just give her what she wants, Jane.

"I'd appreciate your help, Maura," you finally said, obviously straining the words through your teeth.

She knew you were lying, but regardless, she took you by the other hand and pulled you into the lift. Watching her press the button for the morgue, you wanted nothing more than to hit the emergency stop button and call her out, taking advantage of the privacy. You'd been sitting on this for nearly a week; you'd told Maura that you love her, and she'd all but shot you down. You were pretty sure this was what heartbreak felt like. You weren't going to let her know that, though; you couldn't show any weakness.

"Sit," she commanded. You did as she said, and no further words passed between the two of you until she had cleaned your hand of any grit and tightly bandaged it up. Despite the tension in the air, Maura was still as gentle with you as she usually was, and you took what comfort you could from the feeling of her soft fingertips on your skin. You noticed that she hesitated across the palm of your hand - tracing the faint mark of your scar. It calmed you, a little - Maura had that effect on you, even in situations like this one, when you were desperate to be angry with her. _How dare she_, you thought, _She drags me down here and touches my hands like nothing is wrong. Urgh. Fuck this_.

Your body flinched and you felt yourself tense up. Maura noticed the movement, despite its subtlety, and took the hint - she slowly stepped away from you. She stood there, arms folded across her chest, and sighed, unable to make eye contact with you. You sat in silence for a few minutes, unsure of what to say next. You weren't afforded the opportunity to choose any words, however, as Maura's voice cut into the air.

"Do you want to explain this to me?"

You arched an eyebrow at her and released a breath you didn't realise you'd been holding. "Explain what, Maura?" Your body was still tense. You weren't going to make this easy for her. If she was going to get past the walls you'd built around yourself, it was because she managed to climb them, not because you knocked them down for her.

"You're angry, Jane. You're storming about here, punching walls - you're hurting yourself." You could hear genuine concern in her voice, but it wasn't nearly enough to placate you.

"Yeah, I'm angry. We've hit a wall with the case." You were deflecting, and she knew that.

"Don't lie to me, Jane."

You quickly rose from your seat, unsure of what to say. It would be too easy to simply blurt it out here. She needed to understand that a stern word or two wouldn't be enough.

"I've got work to do," you started, heading across to return upstairs. You stopped in front of the lift, an arm arched into the wall. You couldn't bring yourself to turn and face her. "Thanks for looking at my hand." You didn't want her to think that you weren't grateful, but you were keen to reinforce that it would make more than a bit of bandage to fix things.

"Jane -"

"No, Maura," you cut in, pressing the up button. "I can't do this here - not at work."

The doors slid open, and you stepped inside, finally turning back to face her. You tried to meet her gaze, but her chin wouldn't lift from the floor. The doors started to close, and you placed your body between them: you weren't quite ready to leave. "Maura."

"Yes?" She afforded you a flicker of eye contact.

"I can't cope with another day of this. We need to talk about it. Come over tonight if you feel like you can fix this."

"I miss you, Jane."

"I know."

Finally, you stepped backwards and allowed the doors to roll shut, content enough with the resolution. You didn't feel bad about the fact that you'd mirrored her blunt response from that evening, but you didn't need to say the words out loud. Maura knew that you missed her; it was pretty clear from your demeanour.

Your stomach dropped as the lift rose, and you glanced at your watch. It was half past five already. You were unlikely to get much more work done. You left a message with Korsak, letting him know you were going home, but that he could still call. _Just in case._

It was time for home, time for a drink, time to watch the clock.


End file.
